Nick Antosca: John McCain is Not Your Friend. Smash Him Up.

by Nick Antosca [courtesy of Politics on HuffingtonPost.com]

The Democrats have had some lovely speeches at their convention. I was especially impressed by the Clintons--Bill was awesome, and Hillary, whether she truly wanted to or not, did a magnificent job of swallowing her pride and rejecting the sour, reptilian pulers who would have liked her to force a crippling confrontation.

One thing, though. John McCain is "a good man who served our country heroically" and "loves our country" ? A "friend" and a man of "personal courage and heroism"? Of "honor and courage"?

Stop that! Remember the last time a war hero ran for president? His selling point--on which he seemed unassailable--was his military credentials. To smear him on those would have been positively un-American! And how did his opponents tear him down? They swiftboated him so badly that the verb "swiftboat" entered the English language.

"War heroism" and "personal integrity" are John McCain's supposed strengths. They're his narrative. So they have to be battered and bloodied and exposed as lies. This will not be a respectful campaign from the Republican side of things--not with Obama, whose middle name is a big red bullseye and whose face and background make him uniquely vulnerable to xenophobic, Rovian smears.

Democrats need to get out ahead of things and brutalize McCain now. Maybe you're friends with him, Senators, but not between now and November. His "integrity" narrative--easily refutable--is a big part of the stale, decades-old "war heroism" narrative. Destroy one and you can neutralize the other. Rip him in the following fleshy areas:

• AGE: He's literally collapsing before our eyes. The man looks like a deflating basketball. In four--or eight--years, I'd be surprised if he's able to consistently get around on his own. Put beside Obama in the debates, this should be an easy contrast to exploit. The only problem is that expectations will be so low for McCain--the Dodderer--and so high for Obama--the Orator--that McCain could get kudos just for showing up and croaking words like "warm bottle" and "friend."


• ONSET OF SENILITY: Obviously tied to age, but worth focusing on by itself. The so-called foreign policy expert calls countries by incorrect names, identifies world leaders with the wrong nations, misunderstands the relationship between Iran and al Qaeda... it goes on.


• CORRUPTION: Keating Five. The average American knows absolutely nothing about the corruption scandal that nearly killed McCain's political career in the late 1980s. They should know. Repeat more times than the Republicans repeat the name of that guy Obama bought a house from. Associate McCain with corruption--and with Jack Abramoff, in addition to the Keating Five.


• GOOD OL' BOY SLEAZINESS: He called his wife a "cunt" in front of reporters, he told a rape joke, he told a vicious joke about the then-adolescent Chelsea Clinton. All this stuff may actually be a bonus for McCain when it comes to a certain sliver of the conservative base, but if it gets around enough and embeds itself in the public consciousness, it'll alienate moderates and erode McCain's questionable reputation for being a "good man."


• CRAVEN PANDERING: George W. Bush humiliated McCain in the year 2000 in South Carolina with unbelievably sleazy tactics that cost McCain the nomination. And what did McCain do? Hung his hand and lined up and did what he was told for the next eight years. Politics aside, who can have respect for that?


• TEMPER: Don't attack him directly on his hot-temperedness. Just provoke it. Hit him on all the above. Prod him into a red-faced rage. It'll be excellent.

Now, don't misunderstand. I don't think Obama should do any of these things. It wouldn't suit his personality and it wouldn't be consistent with his message. He should stay high and dry. I don't even think Biden or the Clintons should go around talking about some of this stuff, like the ape rape joke or the "cunt" incident or McCain's resemblance to a soft, wrinkled potato. Surrogates should do that. Biden and the Clintons should, however, talk about the foreign policy gaffes and the corruption scandals.

But the most important thing that Biden and the Clintons--and all the other super-prominent campaign apostles--have to do is stop talking about John McCain like he's such a great guy.